B.Y.O.B. - Be Your Own Best-Friend

Learning to be your own best friend is one of the best things you can do for yourself. Why? Because best friends always have your back and you can count on them to lend an ear or a helping hand. A best friend will love you and support you and tell it like it is; but will never run you down. As a matter of fact, if anyone talks smack about you, a best friend would be the first one to come to your defense.  Best friends are invaluable, so being our own is definitely worth our while. 

Best-friends challenge you and make life more fun!

When we are someone's best friend, we pride ourselves on being their champion. We see their beauty, charms, talents and their immense potential for whatever they want. We see clearly who they are and how precious and special they are; we are their biggest fan and strongest supporter. I have been lucky enough to not only have a best friend in my sister, but to have numerous besties throughout my life.  

Then why is it so hard to be our own bestie?  Not only are we not good friends to ourselves, we are sometimes our worse enemy. The sad part is we aren't even aware of how awful we can be to ourselves. If we played out loud what goes on in our head during the day, we would be appalled, and wouldn't tolerate if from anyone, let alone our best friend. And yet minute after minute, hour after hour, day by day we let our minds run unchecked and say the most outrageous and sometimes downright nasty things. I know that I have held myself back and put myself down and I would never do that to any of my friends.  

Most of the time we are not even aware that we are doing it or to what extent. It is such a conditioned habit that we take it as fact that we are fat or ugly or undeserving or lazy or any number of self-defeating put downs. 

So how do we stop putting ourselves down and start acting like the bestie we crave? We have to become warriors and fight the monsters of our own creation. We have to reprogram ourselves and learn to love and support ourselves, because our friends can’t be with us 24/7, and if we don’t change our thinking, we won’t believe them anyway.

Try these three simple but not necessarily easy steps: 

1. Awareness:  First of all, we need to become aware of our self-talk. We have to catch ourselves "in the act" of thinking. Throughout the day ask yourself, "What was that thought"? Awareness is the first step to changing a behavior. You've got to know what you’re saying in the first place before you can change it.    

Your best friend would say, “Listen to yourself, that’s not a nice thing to say”.   

2. Acknowledge & Accept:  Before we can change or go somewhere new, we have to acknowledge and accept where we are now. Acceptance is sometimes the toughest thing to do. How can we accept ourselves when we find ourselves lacking and want to change?  But this step is critical, as acceptance brings us peace.  As Popeye would say, “I am what I am, and that’s all that I am. 

Besties accept you for who you are first, and then help you get where you want to go.  

3. Act. Now do something with it. 

• Move your body.  If it’s negative thought or feeling, shake it off. Literally, shake it off. A physical movement triggers your body that it is unwanted and poof, the thought disappears.  Have you ever seen or felt something that you didn't want to and your body shudders?  Do that.  
• Challenge your thoughts.  Say to yourself, in your head or out loud, "that's not true", “get out”, “stop”, or whatever will get your attention. Whether you believe it or not, you must begin to challenge the pre-recorded tapes in your head, otherwise we will continue to believe the lies and negativity that has become a habit.  
• Replace the old tapes with new.  Choose how you want to feel, or be, or look, or do, and create a positive statement and say that to yourself. Call them what you want, affirmations, mantras, or positive self-talk, start replacing the negative with the positive. You don’t even have to believe it; just do it.  Your brain has been running amok and unchecked for years, maybe even decades.  Pick your mantra and repeat it every time you think of it. Just think of what you want people to say about you, how you’d like to feel or what you’d like to accomplish and say that to yourself. 

Best friends build us up, not tear us down.  

Learning to be our own best friend is one of the best things you can do for yourself.  It teaches us to rely on ourselves and to love who we are, right here, right now. 

When we were children, we were constantly bugging our parents to “look at us”. We wanted acknowledgement and praise for every little thing we did. Be like that little child and crave that positive attention. Only this time, give it to yourself. Be your own best friend and celebrate who you are. Fight for yourself; you are worth it!  

Remember, we are a work in progress. This is a lifelong journey and we will never “get there”. Learning to be kind to ourselves takes practice, patience and persistence. Be gentle with yourself. 

This is your life; enjoy the JOY-ney.